There Is No Answer, You Create, Period

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Keep waking up happy but as the day progresses hate seeps into my heart and gives way to rage.A wet leaf lands on my face and it breaks my back.Body contorts with anger as my muscles flex hard, trying to burst.Speech fails me, aggression pulses through my veins, and I am lost for hours.Where does my compassion go?How does one's heart grow so dark in times of illumination?Holding myself in contempt of courtship?Do I not deserve happiness?Or is that happiness just not strong enough for the ugliness I've tried to hide inside?Making myself smileMaking myself smileMaking myself smileMaking myself..
If this world is an illusion that I stole for a day then I must make this pain..but perhaps the illusion is more a delusion.Perhaps I rock back and forth helplessly loitering in my misplaced blame.No, I am the creator in my brain.Time to rewire.
Love and respect myself.Love and respect my lover.Trust.Self Esteem.Opportunity.I'm sorry for what I've done but we have no time for apologies.No time to remember what I keep forgetting.